Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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