so let's talk penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
