dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we made out on top of his cat.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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