I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's shark week go big or go home
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
