i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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