he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
