Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
