Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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