Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
