Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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