The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
