I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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