I think I died a long time ago.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
