I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
