she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
