Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
