whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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