No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
