is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
