the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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