What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
