It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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