hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
