GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Terrible idea I love it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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