The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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