Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
