32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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