I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Four minutes until I can fart!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
