you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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