I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
