Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
