I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How many fucks given?
0.12846
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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