plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
