fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
