Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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