Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
