Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
