i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
