I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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