dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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