I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
