If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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