My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize