Buhtt sex?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Are we still banned from the library?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
