but the lizard people decide everything anyway
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
