I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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