dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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