Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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