Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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