News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
