I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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