Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize