There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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