I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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