I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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