I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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