When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
