and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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