420 ftw
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
