dude i'm inner monologue high
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
