dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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