She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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