i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
