Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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