I want to have your abortion
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
