Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
