Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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