I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
