I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
