No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
