When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
