You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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