He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
