Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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