oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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