That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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