so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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