She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
