He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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