i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
