Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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