plz talk dirty to me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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